self-love after abandonment & trust issues
from the small steps to self love podcast (an interview with jayne martin)
For this episode of small steps to self-love, i was joined by author jayne martin. Her book is titled the daddy chronicles: memoir of a fatherless daughter and it covers the topic of growing up fatherless through cinematic vignettes. you can find her book here!
Through the rest of this episode, we covered topics including abandonment as a child, and navigating abandonment issues, trust issues, healing and self-love as an adult. she also reads excerpts from her memoir so be sure to tune in to hear that!
this episode
Jayne’s book, the daddy chronicles: memoir of a fatherless daughter, covers the topic of growing up fatherless, starts off in the voice of a young child, then gradually shifts into an adolescent then adult voice. Writing can be a great tool during the healing process, and by reading this memoir through different voices, it’s clear that jayne allowed her inner child a safe space to vent and let go of some of the anger she has been holding onto by giving her that voice through this book.
When i was discussing this episode with jayne, she mentioned that one in three women in the united states are fatherless, which was a shocking number to me. I asked jayne more about this topic and she replied that being fatherless carries a lot of shame, that it’s a silent epidemic. She went on to explain the mindset around abandonment, that women often don’t talk about it because it creates the feeling that the problem is themselves, but that’s not true.
If you’re working through your own feelings of abandonment, it’s important to remember that there are others that feel the same way and you are not alone. “It’s not you, and it was never you. It was always him.”
Jayne explains that from facing abandonment at a young age, it caused intimacy and trust issues which were reflected in her personal relationships. Growing up, jayne says that she became promiscuous, something that many fatherless daughters experience. After going through early menopause, jayne found that she hit a bit of a turning point. She said she realized she wasn’t going after relationships, but putting that time and energy into herself, and going after her own dreams and goals, which i think is great! Even while in relationships, it’s important to focus on our own needs and goals, but especially while outside of a relationship.
small step
When reflecting on details from growing up, jayne mentioned that most of the memories flooded back quickly. She suggests that when working through your own healing and digging up memories, to write to yourself, maybe letters to your present or younger self, and that can help you work through it. I’ve done this many times myself to work through difficult thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
at the end of every episode, we talk about a small step that you can take on your own self-love and healing journey, so that’s our small step for this episode! write a letter to your younger self and see what comes out, see what you can work through. Jayne suggested to start with the prompt, “what do you want to say to me? what didn't you get to say?” and i think that’s a great starting place!
Take your time and be sure to take breaks through this process when needed.
where to listen
we talked about much more in the podcast episode and jayne martin read a few excerpts from her book! you can tune into the episode on your favorite podcast site, or by visiting the links below!
if you are working through your own abandonment issues and healing, remember that you are not alone and it was not your fault. there are other people that have experienced the same thing, and we’re all here to support one another. take care of yourself this week, and thank you for tuning into another episode!